Good Grief?

In 2008, I went to Goucher College to give myself permission to write. Because I’m a people pleaser, who ironically tries to avoid most people, I wrote my thesis based on an accidental call to a funeral home to please my mentor. (Hi Diana!) At 40, I didn’t have a lot of experience with death, but after exploring death professions for two years, I realized that it wasn’t death so much that I feared, it was grief. Stuffing unpleasant/uncomfortable feelings was my go-to coping mechanism, but I knew instinctively that the mighty giant of grief awaited around the corner and there was no way I would be able to stuff that shit. (Sorry, Diana, but sometimes “shit” is the best word.)

“If you’ve loved a lot, you’re going to grieve a lot.” Kati Bachman

It wasn’t just my own grief that I feared, it was also your grief. As I mentioned above, I avoid people. I’m an introvert (INFP if you’re into Myers Briggs) with social anxiety. You are more likely to find me at your (pre-Covid) soiree hiding in a corner playing with your dog than standing at the punchbowl making small talk with a bunch of strangers. (And that’s if I actually attend your party.) So, prior to writing about death, if we were coworkers and I found out that your mom died, I would avoid you.

One, because I didn’t know what to say to you to fix your grief. I have since discovered that there are no words to “fix” someone’s grief but avoiding people who are grieving has the unfortunate side effect of making that person feel like they are contagious or that what they are going through is wrong. Grief is not wrong. It’s natural. And I don’t know if you know this or not, but SPOILER ALERT: we are all going to die. People we love will die. Even people we don’t like will die. And right now, a lot of people are dying.

Two, because I didn’t want to make you feel worse by bringing up the death of the person that you loved. Which is ridiculous the more I think about it. You/I already feel bad. If I avoid talking about the pink elephant that I know is there, and you know is there, I imply that you need to get over this thing by yourself. And quickly. Like before next week so we can all get back to talking about Baby Yoda, the true meaning of covfefe (I think it’s Covid fatigue. Webster’s, call me!) or this ridiculously awful year.

My debut novel, Forever 51, came out this week and I have experienced everything from elation to existential dread. Wonderful things have been happening with the book, but I am also sad and weepy and it sucks. (Diana, I did refrain from using another expletive in that sentence.) I want to call my mom, but since that isn’t possible, talking/writing about my grief will have to do.

For now.

Launch Week for Forever 51

Well, it’s finally here. My book baby, Forever 51, that pesky little blood sucker that has been gestating in my noggin since 2015 is finally ready to enter the world whether I’m ready or not. And to be quite honest, I’m not. As some of you know, my stepdad died on 9/23 and then my mom went into the hospital with Covid-19 on 9/28. I have been preoccupied with matters that are WAY more important than a book launch. For the past month, I have been on high alert as I was the point of contact person for the hospital and I never wanted to miss a call. It has been torturous not to be able to see my mom and now that she’s gone, I find myself thinking, I need to call my mom. But you see, I can’t.

The day after she died, I was angry, like filled with rage that I didn’t know where to direct it, kind of angry. You see there’s this man in charge of our country and he likes to rile people up and make statements that are callous and not exactly true. I did what any self respecting writer would do, I wrote about my experience to try and make sense of it. You can read what I wrote on CNN here.

So many nice people have reached out to me since that article was published to share their own experience with losing a loved one to Covid. As of this writing, 230,556 Americans have died. To me, that seems like an awful lot of people to die. And the numbers keep rising. I live in Texas and in the county I reside in, the numbers of cases keep going up, but we’re supposed to act like it’s business as usual.

I’m scared.

My business is that I have a book coming out November 5. I am doing a Facebook live event at 7pm on my author page. Link here.

I have an online Zoom event happening with the Fort Worth Public Library. They were kind and generous enough to host me on Saturday, November 7. Link here.

The Dock Bookshop in Fort Worth is having my only live in person event, along with the blood drive on Sunday, November 8. If you want to donate a pint, the sign up link is here. I will be outside in the parking lot to sign books and cheer people on who are donating. I donated a pint today.

So, once I get through this week, I will be planning a Zoom memorial service to honor my mom as I need a ritual.

My first book was about death and death professions, but nothing prepared me for this. Not being able to see your person or to grieve with others is horrible. 2020 sucks.

I have a book coming out this week. Buy it if you want an escape. Or not. But if you do, please read it. Request it at your local library so that others who don’t have the money to buy a new book can read it. And if you enjoyed it, write a short, honest review on Goodreads or Amazon or Bookshop or wherever you buy books. That’s how people discover a new book. It’s all about algorithms.

That’s all I’ve got. The world keeps spinning whether we’re ready for it or not.

I'm in the Phone Book!

Here’s a bit of trivia for you. My first heartbreaking work of staggering genius was published in the phone book. And no, it wasn’t my name, address and phone number that brought the publishing world to its knees. For four fabulous years, I worked for Directory Plus in Colorado and my job was to proofread ad copy for nine different phone books throughout the Southwest. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?

No?

Yeah, I thought so. So anyway, my boss needed some filler material, so she allowed me to submit a short essay about the ickiness of cell phone usage in the bathroom. To show you how far I’ve developed as a writer since 2007, I am totally writing this post while sitting on the commode. Yep. Keeping it classy here on the old bloggity blog.

Anyway, everytime I see my name in print, I always think of Steve Martin in The Jerk.

“ I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.”

Except now, people toss those phonebooks in to the recycling container because, well, it’s 2020 and google is a verb.

If only it was that easy to reach millions of people! I’m lucky if I reach twenty. And I’m grateful for each and every one of you. So, what’s new? This past week, an interview I did with Kate Cornell, author and host of Two Authors Talking, was posted on youtube. We talk about writing, favorite tropes and you can witness my resting bitch face in action, or should I say inaction?

I also made a spamtastic plea for my friends, frenemies and people I don’t even know to request my book from their local public library. I’m going to get really real with you right now. I didn’t get into writing about death and menopausal vampires because I saw a fat paycheck in my future. I did it because I love to tell stories and make people laugh. Yes, money would be lovely, especially since I basically just lost my contract job and i’m working part time at a public library, so here’s the deal. I would be ETERNALLY grateful if you GOOGLED the number of YOUR public library. Then take it one step further and call that number and REQUEST that they acquire Forever 51 for their patrons. Because to me, success is seeing my book in print on a shelf in a public library. Public libraries rock because everyone deserves access to information, especially if that information contains funny, bloody stories of menopausal vampires. Don’t believe me? Perhaps Grady Hendrix, NY Times best selling author of The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires will…

Or perhaps Kirkus could inspire you. They do use some awfully colorful language in my review. Don’t believe me, click here.

Just a simple phone call that will take you less than five minutes could help change an author’s life. My life. And it doesn’t cost you a dime! Please and thank you for doing your part to spread the word before my pub date of 11/5/20! #Forever51

If you would like a free review copy of my book, it is up on Net Galley. All I ask is that you read and write an honest review of the book and then post it on Bookbub or Goodreads. Those early reviews are soooooo important for authors.

Last, but certainly not least, here’s my book trailer for Forever 51. My nephew, Egor, did the graphic design. My brother, Rob, did the music. And Lisaun Whittingham who narrated my first book Death Becomes Us, performed the voice over. It’s creepy, it’s quirky. Will you share it? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

One last thing before you go, if you pre-order Forever 51, send me a screenshot to thedeathwriter@gmail.com and I will enter your name into the drawing for the book club basket that I’m giving away on Halloween.

You know how to look things up on Spamazon. If you’d like to buy my book and help independent booksellers in the process, shop here.

Okay. I’m done. Thank you for reading all the way to the end and clicking on all the links and supporting someone who is kind of old to be having a “debut” novel come out two days after the presidential election.

In case you’ve never been told this before, I like you just the way you are!