Unfinished Work

October 2019

Last week, I ventured to a little border town in Mexico all because a tight-lipped endodontist I’d been referred to in the states wouldn’t quote the cost of a root canal and crown before my upcoming appointment with him. Driving eight hours out of spite probably wasn’t the most sane or rational decision to make while my tooth was throbbing, but I did it. And you can too.

No passport? No problemo!

My mother and I departed Fort Worth on a Friday morning and drove eight hours to McAllen, TX. McAllen, unlike Weslaco, TX which is right on the border of Nuevo Progresso, has a lot more hotels, restaurants, shopping and even a few tourist attractions if you are inclined to make your venture down south more of a vacation. We opted for a reasonably priced chain that offered a free hot breakfast, which my mother and I both devoured before taking off for our appointments at the Texas Dental Clinic, which if I’m being totally honest, I’d picked because of the name.

After Google maps guided our twenty-five-minute drive from McAllen, we arrived at the International Bridge. On the right side of the street there is a parking lot with an attendant and it only costs $2.00 for the entire day. From the lot, we slowly made our way to the bridge. My mom is eighty-seven-years-old with back issues, so we ambled, which was fine by me. Experienced travelers sped by us with a sense of purpose carrying empty reusable bags or carts and appropriate change, which you don’t really need. I was surprised to discover that even cheaper than the parking lot rate was the rate to cross from the United States into Mexico. We each handed the attendant a dollar, which he exchanged for four quarters to feed the turnstile. And with four drops of our coins, we were on our way to another country. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

As we walked across the bridge, people below us called out for money, even directing their pleas for dinero to the “American lady with the green pants.” Me.  Once we reached the lower part of the bridge, a few cupped hands stretched through the slots hoping for some American change. (Aren’t we all?) Because I didn’t want to rifle through my wallet when I was carrying a considerable wad of cash for the dentist, I decided I’d catch them on the way back.

Once we entered the main drag, NAME OF STREET, it got a little claustrophobic for my liking. The left side of the sidewalk was lined with vendors (honey, hats, fake designer purses, sunglasses and t-shirts), while the right side of the street was jam-packed with pharmacies, dental offices, nail salons, barbers and various stores selling everything from Talavara tile to Tequila. Every few feet, men and women held out business cards, “Dentist, pharmacy, Botox, pedicure,” which at forty-nine-years of age and eight hours in the car with my mother, pretty much summed up everything I needed to feel or at least appear human again. I jest, my mom is a lovely traveling companion. I searched my phone’s map. The Texas Dental Clinic was on the next block across the street. While the people hawking their various services were plenty, they pretty much left you alone if you walked on by or said “no, thanks.” There was always someone right behind you.

Once inside the small, crowded clinic, I informed the receptionist that we had an appointment at 11 and then took a seat. As the clock ticked past 11:30, I realized that our appointment time was more of a guesstimate—just like in America. To kill the time, as I was unsure of my International phone surfing charges, I struck up a conversation with the man next to me. He lived in Mexico and was escorting his sister and two of her friends from Austin to the dentist. They were all frequent flyers who hailed this clinic as one of the best, which made me feel as if I’d made the right choice.

            Seeing as she only needed a check-up and a cleaning, my mom was called in first. From the lobby, I could hear her chatting away and charming whomever was working on the interior of her mouth. When it was my turn to go back, I didn’t have much of an opportunity to chat. The female dentist asked the reason for my visit.

“According to my dentist back home I need a root canal on this tooth right here,” I pointed to the painful tooth in the back corner of my mouth. “I just got it crowned in June.” She nodded in understanding, then asked me to open wide. Her assistant placed some sort of x-ray thing into the back of my mouth, then the dentist coolly looked at the image on the computer screen.

            “Yes, you need a root canal.”

            And with that, she instructed me to open wide again, while sneakily producing a large needle seemingly out of nowhere.

Wait, what? Aren’t you going to buy me dinner first?

            I, of course, complied without protests as she shot a shit load of Novocaine into the roof and gums of my mouth. Much to my dismay, there was no gentle swabbing of numbing cream beforehand or cooing with a pained facial expression that “I was going to feel a sting as she inserted the needle into my tender flesh.” Nope. At this point, I felt a wee bit sorry for myself. How could she be so insensitive? Isn’t that part of the job of the dentist, to warn me of impending discomfort? Or was I just being a pampered, American wimp?

            I hate to admit this, even to myself, but I think it was the latter. She left me while my mouth, along with my feelings, became numb.

 

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The luckiest Girl in the world

I’m not one to get terribly upset by the death of a celebrity, but for some reason, the death of Lisa Marie Presley, blanketed me in a feeling of melancholy.

I didn’t know her, I wasn’t a follower of her music, but as a kid, I though she was the luckiest girl in the world. My parents were fans of Elvis and my dad took my mom to see him at the International Hotel in August 1969, a year before I was born. At that concert, my dad tipped the maitre’d really well and got a table near the stage. When Elvis was kissing the ladies, he urged my mom to go get a kiss from the King. Unfortunately, she was too shy for a smooch. Ugh.

I probably would have been just as nervous to go get a kiss. Elvis was a handsome devil who was larger than life. In 1976, I named my first pets, a couple of hamsters, Elvis and Priscilla. Unlike the real Elvis, hamster Elvis tragically ate his offspring, which the real Elvis would never do. I lost interest in hamster Elvis after that.

Real Elvis died the day before my birthday on August 16, 1977. I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news—planted, probably three inches away, in front of the boob tube surrounded by a sea of shag carpeting. He died young, not a member of the tragic 27 club, but at 42, which seems like a spring chicken to me now.

Lisa Marie was 54 when she died, just two years older than me, which makes me think that maybe she wasn’t the luckiest girl in the world. Her beloved son, Benjamin, took his own life in 2020 and she was grieving that loss, which she wrote about here.

The statement she made in that essay that resonated with me the most was this, “Grief is something you will have to carry with you for the rest of your life, in spite of what certain people or our culture wants us to believe. You do not "get over it," you do not "move on," period.”

The truth of that statement hit me this week at the funeral of my friend’s mom. The second I sat down in that church, tears streamed and pooled into my mask. I couldn’t stop crying and this is soooooooooooo not me. Sure I felt empathy for my friend and her loss, but I didn’t know her mom, so the waterworks weren’t really for Ruth Eastland. Although she sounded like a hell of a gal and the service was beautiful.

This crying jag was all about the death of my own mom, who never got a funeral due to Covid after her death in October of 2020. As I sat in that pew, guilt and grief and anger bubbled up inside me in a jumble of confusion. My eyesockets were the only escape for the sadness, so I dabbed at them furiously with wadded up tissues, as my grief counselor’s voice echoed in my head, “feel your feelings.” So, I did. I sat there and I felt them. I cried, I wiped my tears, I blew my nose. At one point, I had to leave the room as I was about to have a coughing fit, which during a pandemic might cause some panic. My first instinct with all my crying was to be ashamed and go hide in the bathroom until the service was over, but I didn’t. I returned with fresh tissue to cry some more.

Grief is normal. It’s the price we pay for love. And to love and to know love is lucky.


Without Pants, Pam & Paula Gain Pandemic Pounds!

How’s that for click bait alliteration? If I am being totally honest, my sister Paula and I both wore pants during the first year of the pandemic. But, and it’s a big but…they were of the sweat, legging or pajama variety. There were no buttons or zippers acting as a barometer of our expanding mid-sections.

When the library closed in March of 2020, I went from getting 10k steps a day to sedentary sofa sloth who binged daily on sourdough bread and Tiger King. I blame Joe Exotic for my muffin top.

I know you’re probably confused by this post, (where’s the death? the vampires? the menopause?) but I will get there, pinky promise.

That third photo is of my sister and I in 2017. If memory serves, I was visiting her in California and we were at a movie theater watching Wonder Woman (WW). There is probably a box of Hot Tamales on my lap and a bucket of buttered popcorn goodness between our seats. Why? Because the whole point of going to the movie theater is to consume overpriced sweet and savory snacks.

Fast forward a few years to 2022. I had a new full time job and none of my work pants fit. When I bitched and moaned about buying new pants in a bigger size, my sister encouraged me to try WW, formerly Weight Watchers. I hemmed, I hawed, I blamed my lack of movement on the weight gain, but as my sister has told me for as long as I can remember, “You get fit at the gym and you get skinny in the kitchen.” In other words, Pam, if you’re stuffing your pie hole with endless slices of warm toasty fresh baked bread and butter, you can’t possibly work all those calories off on the treadmill and still have time for a full time job.

So, I joined.

Paula and I will be talking about our pantsless pandemic journey to WW on Zibby Owens’ podcast “Moms Don’t Have Time to Move & Shake” on July 21! You can tune in wherever you get your podcasts, like here on Apple Podcasts.

You can also witness my menopausal brain fog in action on this week’s What Fort Worth Reads.

If you are into menopausal vampires or death professions, and let’s be real, who isn’t? I would like to gently nudge you in the direction of your favorite online book retailer to purchase either of my books. These books are cheap, but never easy, and they both explore heavy topics with a dash of dark humor for palatability.

Speaking of patatable things, what’s your favorite snack that you smuggle into the movies?

Comment on this post and I will enter your name into a drawing on August 1 for a special prize.