Monday Mourning: The Sudden Death of Your Wife

Today I have David Doub on the blog, I recently participated in the Creative Women's Conference in Denton (an event that he organized) and I asked if he would do a post. And he said yes, so welcome David!
I was born in Long Island NY but because of my dad's work and life decisions we moved around a lot. Compound that with my awkward nature and my geeky tendencies, I never got along well with the other kids at school. High School in Texas was particularly hard but Carrie was one of the points of light that made it all better. Together we reveled in our nerdy ways and enjoyed ourselves immensely. But taking care of Carrie always came first so I had a sensible career in computers as I played at making comics on the side. It wasn't until I lost her that I realized you only live once and you must live for your dreams. I currently publish around 10 comics which some of them I have written and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

DW: Who was the person who died?
DD: Carrie Mullinix. We were together for 15 years and were married by common law. 

DW: How old were you at the time?
DD:  27

DW: How old was she?
DD: 26

DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?
DD: Very sudden. She died when a blood clot went from her legs to her lungs and then her heart failed because of that. She got the clot because she was on birth control.

DW: Were people supportive of your grief ?
DD: Some were, some weren't. A lot of people didn't know what to do with me.

DW: Is there anything you wish you had done differently with this person?
DD: I wish I could foresee the future to have prevented her death.

DW: Was Carrie buried or cremated?
DD: Cremated so I could spread her ashes in Tokyo. Carrie loved Japan so much there were several times she asked me to move there, so when she passed, I took her ashes to Yoyogi Park in Tokyo near the Harajuku district because a lot of the Gothic Lolitas and Visual Kei kids would come out in their costumes there.

DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process you'd like to share?
DD: I'm still learning sadly. It's hard to separate the good and the bad and it all becomes a jumbled mess. For me I couldn't take strength from the good because it would lead my mind to ultimate conclusion of her passing, so I lost any comfort of her memories.

DW: Were any songs played at the memorial service that were important to Carrie?
DD: She had an MP3 player that was filled with her favorite music (a lot of JRock, Visual Kei, and JPop) so we just played that. One song that has a lot of meaning is Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer. We both were in love in Japan and it's culture (before it was cool to do so :P ). So we went to Tokyo and we ran amuck at all the cool stuff we saw. But despite the sensory overload, this gothic Victorian looking band caught our eye. Malice Mizer was a Visual Kei band. We fell in love with Malice Mizer, Visual Kei and much more of Japanese culture (Carrie more so than I). 

Thank you, David for sharing your experience.

A novella written by Carrie was published posthumously by David and you can purchase it here.

Would you or someone you know be interested in sharing their experience with the death of a loved one on my blog? If so, please leave a comment or you can email me thedeathwriter at g mail dot com