An Interview with an Embalmer

Just as my book, Death Becomes Us, began with a rather nervous inquiry into the working life of an embalmer, I've decided to resuscitate my "Death Writer" blog by doing the same. Thankfully, almost ten years after that first interview with George Liese, I'm a lot less nervous. One might say I'm even death positive.

What is death positive you ask? Caitlin Doughty from the Order of the Good Death writes what it is not. You can read the article here.

For me, being death positive is a willingness to engage with the inevitable reality of death. What does that look like? Well, for me personally, it means not avoiding the topic or running away from someone when they are grieving, as this is my natural tendency. I think I'm not alone in that. I'm not an expert, so that's why I try to talk to those that are. With that said...

Today I have Amy Gagne on the blog.

 
Amy Gagne.png

Amy Gagne

Amy Gagne is a licensed Funeral Director/Embalmer who graduated in 2004 from the Dallas Institute of Funeral Service. She was one of five recipients of the Key Memories Scholarship in 2004 for a paper she wrote on making a service more personal.  She has worked both as a funeral director and embalmer, currently focusing in the embalming side.  Amy has learned the key to success in this field is finding balance between family and work. 

 

What is your job at the funeral home?

I work for multiple funeral homes as a contract embalmer and most of what I do is self employed. There are about five facilities I currently embalm through.

What does your job entail?

I am on call 24 hours a day, unless I go on vacation or ask for a day off every now and then. The funeral home personnel do the transporting of the deceased to the funeral home. Then they call me when the family has chosen to give permission to embalm. Most of the time I only do embalming, but when asked I also do restorative work, fix people's hair, makeup, dressing, and casketing. Recently I've also been mentoring embalming apprentices who are currently going through the mortuary classes.

What got you interested in doing this job?

The idea of becoming a funeral director/embalmer wasn't ever something that I thought about till I was about 26.  One of my work colleague's told me I would make a good funeral director..... My initial response was, "A what?".  Although, from there he put me in touch with a funeral director he knew, who spoke with me about the funeral industry. It just so happened, a week later I learned another colleague I worked with did transport for that same funeral home.  I was able to get a part time job at that funeral home, and my career took off from there. 

What is the most challenging aspect of your job?

Being an embalmer can be emotionally difficult. It's especially so when there is a young person who passes, someone I know, or if they pass from some sort of accident or tragedy. Those situations can be brutal, but it is a reminder that if I feel that strongly, how are the family and friends of this individual handling this tough situation. 

What is the most rewarding aspect of your job?

My main job as an embalmer is to create an illusion. I know that sounds strange, but I see the reality of death when the deceased are brought into the prep room. So it is my mission for family and friends to see their loved one a last time without the effects of sickness, injuries, emaciation, jaundice...to the best of my abilities. If through this process I'm able to help a family or friend feel more at peace with a situation, or if by seeing their loved one helped with any part of a stage of grief, their possible solace is my reward. 

What do you wish people outside of the funeral industry knew about your job?

We try to always have two people when we pick the deceased up from the home. When the person is at a facility like a nursing home or a hospital, generally only one person goes. That can differ depending on the city and funeral home. Smaller cities will have one person going on calls most of the time. Larger cities have more staff and will usually send out two funeral personnel. When calls come in throughout the night, we are usually called from home to go on the call.  The exception again is large cities will usually have 24 hour staff. 

Anything unusual happen while on the job?

A situation that can startle you if you're not aware of it is after someone is pronounced dead, they can still have air remaining in the lungs.  When we roll them to place a sheet under them or sometimes just hitting a bump going down the road can release the air in the lungs, which hit the vocal chords, and they will make a noise. It happens sometimes. 

Are there hazardous conditions working with the deceased?

People who have airborne illnesses like Tuberculosis, flu, mumps, ...can still pass on viruses after they die if they have air in their lungs and it comes out. Granted some viruses last longer than others after someone passes. Tuberculosis is one of the hardier ones. Particles in the air can last up to four hours, but on a surface without direct sunlight it can last weeks to months depending what it's on. 

Do friends/and or family members ask you about your job? 

I have a mixture of both, but probably more people who are curious than not. Usually the main questions are, how do you do embalming? How does the process work? How do you embalm an autopsy? How long does it take? Then there are others who are interested in how to become a funeral director/embalmer and that varies depending on the state you are in. 

Photo by: Sarah Pflug

Photo by: Sarah Pflug

Lastly, you mentioned writing about making funerals more personal. What are some things family members can do?

Catering is becoming more common at visitations. A way to bring back memories of the person who passed away is family and friends using that persons recipes to bake cakes, cookies, appetizers, main dishes and bring to the visitation. They could use their place settings or table cloth they have in their home to set up the table.

You could bring a specific Scentsy smell, air fresheners, perfume, or cologne that is their smell, to place around or on them. 

Gift bags for the family and friends are a great thing to give out. They could contain recipe cards with some of the best foods they used to make; packets of their favorite coffees, or teas; baked goods from those recipes; their favorite candy; a picture of them; poems, quotes, or music that they like or have written; favorite flower... the list is endless when it comes to what to place in a gift bag. It all depends on the person.

An urn could be set up with a shirt they always wore underneath it on the table, with a picture progression of their life around it, or they could have their favorite banner or quilt along with it. 

There could be a bowl/basket with cut paper in it, which could be cut in squares, hearts, circles, any shape that works best, near the register book or casket, for people to write their last message to send with their loved one in the casket. . 

Videos using pictures are commonly used at visitations and services. To go a step further, if your able to get video footage of them talking about their life, playing sports, family gatherings, that could always be shown as well. 

Pallbearers can wear the normal boutonniere with their loved ones favorite flower, or they can wear one that has other things on it like a tiny rope , little cowboy hat, pink symbol for cancer awareness, military awareness, the many awareness symbols out there or any symbol that represents the person who passed.

The casket can be transported by hearse, or other means. It may have more meaning to be brought to the cemetery by horse and buggy, truck, big rig, escorted by motorcycles, or classic cars.

Capturing the essence of loved ones, sparks the memories of their life story. 

Thank you, Amy, for taking the time to answer my questions.

If you would like to share your story on my blog, whether it's about working in a death profession or the death of a loved one, please contact me!

Also, don't be afraid to comment or like these posts. I don't bite.

An Interview with a Funeral Director

Today I interviewed Amanda Vanston for the blog. Since the beginning of my thesis/book, I have been fascinated by people who choose to work in the funeral industry and what that experience is like for them.

My name is Amanda Vanston, I am 34 years old and a mother of two amazing kiddos. I am a licensed Funeral Director and Crematory Operator in the state of Texas. I have been in the funeral industry for almost 8 years.

DW: When did you realize you wanted to work in the funeral industry?

AV: This is "THE" question. It is even the standard greeting amongst Morticians... "Hello, my name is ______ and I work for _______. So, how did you get into this industry?" A significant amount of Morticians are born into this business, so it's an easy answer for them. Then there are the folks who choose this profession as a second career, usually after retiring from ministry or teaching. In my case, I can't claim either one of the above responses, so I am left with the awkward, "because, I wanted to" answer.

I was an odd child, fascinated by the unknown...I still am. Death is the ultimate mystery. I knew, from a very young age, that I wanted to work with the dead. As I grew older, I thought I would find something in the medical profession, like my parents, and kind of pushed the idea of being a mortician to the side.

After some unsuccessful attempts at college, I came back home and became a caretaker for my grandfather. During one of our hospital visits, I wandered around and came upon the Pierce Chapel at Methodist Dallas. I had heard about Pierce Mortuary Schools in the past, and so later that week when we went home I began my research on how to enter the funeral industry. I found Dallas Institute of Funeral Service and studied the requirements for entry. It was expensive, time consuming and frankly, rather daunting for a 20 year old who had just failed her second attempt at College so, once again, the idea was put on the back burner.

About 6 months after the birth of my second child, I had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with my OB/Gyn that changed everything. I had become rather depressed. I had lost my biological father and both of my grandmothers, all of whom played a key role in my life. I didn't feel motivated to do anything productive and I was living an extremely unhealthy lifestyle. My Doctor sat me down and she said, "you have got to do something! You've got two children and, frankly, at this rate you won't live to see either one of them graduate." She questioned me about my interests, what would I want to do? What would make me happy? I answered, "I would love to work in the funeral industry." She answered, "Funny, my husband is a mortician." I saw it as a sign. That was it. Dr. P set me up with all of the info about Dallas Institute of Funeral Service and I went home that evening and announced to my parents that I would be attending Mortuary School.

DW: Where did you go to school?

AV:

Dallas Institute of Funeral Service

, formerly Pierce Mortuary College. It is an 18 month program and you receive an AAS.

DW: What was that experience like?

AV: I am not going to sugar coat it, the experience is intense. It is A LOT of information crammed into your mind day after day. We are required to take Anatomy, Pathology, Microbiology, Chemistry and Science of Embalming on top of typical business courses and labs. In order to graduate you must complete 10 embalming labs, 6 of which have to be autopsy cases. In order to become licensed and practice, you must pass a state law exam, a national board exam in both Sciences and Arts and serve an apprenticeship.

DW: What was your first job in the funeral industry?

AV: My first job was with a Mortuary Service. I went on removals, transported bodies and served as a provisional embalmer. I don't recommend the experience, especially if you have a family. Those are rough times, never knowing where or when you're going to be called and where on earth you'll be going. Admittedly, I didn't last too long. I was there about 6 months before I was offered a position with a prestigious funeral home in DFW and I jumped on the opportunity.

DW: What do you like about your job?

AV: Being a source of stability and comfort for grieving families. It's warms my heart every single time a family walks away giving me sincere thanks, a pat on the back or a big hug. You have these people come in to your life and they are HURTING. They are lost, even when I ask if they have experienced a death before. It is my job to be a guide, to give reassurance that I, personally, am taking care of their loved one so that they can focus on their grief.

DW: What is a common misconception about the work you do?

AV: There's always the generalization that we are all greedy and want to rob families by taking all of their money, inheritance, or insurance. That we will lie to make a sale, bend the laws, mark up our services or merchandise and or basically do anything to take advantage of a grieving widow or family member. I can't say that this type of funeral director doesn't exist, sadly there are a few bad apples in the bunch, but in most states (Texas included), we are governed by strict laws. It is not like we can pocket people's insurance checks and be on our merry way. We report to state and federal commissions. We are licensed individuals and, just like any other profession that requires a licensed individual, the consumer has every right to file a complaint with the state; we will be investigated, we will have to pay for our consequences. I do wish that our industry could dedicate more time to the public and make more of an effort to educate them on what their rights are as consumers, what they should expect from any funeral home, what it is that we offer and what is and is not required by law....

DW: Do people want to talk to you about your job? Are they curious? Or do people avoid the topic?

AV: I can honestly say it depends on the person. Some people cringe when I tell them my profession, some want to know every single detail. The majority of folks that I encounter are curious and want to know only as much as they can handle. It's almost a social experiment...how much can one person take of the knowledge that I am privy to before they cry "uncle." In truth, it is extremely rare to find someone outside of the industry that wants to know the gory details of the profession. Most are surprised at the drama that surrounds us as funeral directors. When I first began working at the funeral home, my mother couldn't wait for me to call her with the stories. She said it was like a soap opera and she couldn't be more right. Death is, literally, the ultimate soap opera...there is nothing calm or convenient about it.

DW: What is the most difficult thing you've had to do for your job?

AV: Everyone has a case that they don't want to deal with. Most directors would say babies or anything truly tragic. Others would say extremely high profile or high maintenance cases. The most difficult thing I ever had to do was extremely personal. In October of 2013 my ex-husband and father of my children was murdered. I couldn't do anything to save him in life, so I focused my attention on creating a very memorable and personal funeral that would honor everything that he was to me and our family. My colleagues would not let me do any of the prep work (embalming) so instead, I got to hand pick who I wanted to embalm. After that, I took over. I planned the service, ordered the flowers, polished the casket, called the minister, wrote the obituary, stayed up every night designing programs, creating videos, writing the eulogy etc. That was the easy part. The day of visitation, I came to work and fought my supervisor to let me dress, casket and cosmetize Roderick. No one thinks you can handle these situations when they are your own but truthfully, there is no way in hell I was going to let anyone else touch him. I was the star when it came to cosmetics and restorative art, and they were either going to let me do it and do it right, or they would have to deal with me standing over them criticizing every move. Needless to say I won the battle. I got the honor of preparing him for the viewing and the service. We had a "Full Service Cremation" which is where the body is embalmed, placed in a "rental" casket and is present for services, then cremated afterwards. I am a licensed crematory operator so I also got to be the one to cremate his body. I was there from beginning to end. That still wasn't the hardest part. The absolute most difficult thing I have ever done was place Roderick's ashes into their urns. It was utterly final. I stood in the prep room spooning cremated remains into little receptacles for the family and I didn't even realize that tears were streaming down my cheeks. My co-workers came to check on me and immediately took the task out of my hands, and while I thanked them...that was incredibly difficult as well. I never wanted to give up control and seeing the 7lb. sack of my first love's cremated remains made me painfully aware that I couldn't control squat when it comes to death.

What is an End of Life Doula?

A few months back, I read a wonderful

essay

on Salon.com about Mara Altman's experience as an end of life doula.  I'd never heard of a death doula, so I wanted to talk to her about it.  We have doulas for birth, why not for the end of our life?  I think it's a wonderful step towards death acceptance in our culture.

DW: What is a death doula?

MA:  A death doula or as my mentor prefers to call it, an End of Life Doula, is someone who commits to visit a person who is at the end of his/her life for at least one hour each week until the person dies. The doula volunteer aims to get to know the individual beyond his/her illness and has no agenda. My mentor prefers the phrase End of Life Doula to Death Doula because it focuses more on the fact that these people are still alive. You can learn more at this website:

doulaprogram.org

DW:  What made you want to become a death doula?

MA:  I had a lot of fear around death. I thought that getting to know this mysterious thing better might release me from some of my terror. I also liked the idea of volunteering and learning. The Doula Program offers great training and a lot of support.

DW:  Prior to the training, did you have personal experience with death in your life?

MA:  Yes. A friend of mine died of cystic fibrosis when he was ten years old. My maternal grandparents also passed. Don’t like it!

DW:  What was the training like?

MA:  The training was really great. We were in a group of about ten people. We met once a week for eight weeks. Each session had a different theme like spirituality, culture, diversity, healthcare systems and tools for visiting. We practiced being in different scenarios and also confronted our own thoughts and fears around mortality. Mostly, we trained to be able to go with the flow and be nonjudgmental of the beliefs and desires of the people we would be assigned to visit. We also gained access to a community of doula volunteers, all of whom were very cool, diverse and open-minded individuals.

DW:  What surprised you the most about becoming an end of life doula?

MA:  I was surprised that it wasn’t about death. I really expected to be matched with someone who would want to talk about death and their impending nonexistence each time I saw him or her. Instead I was matched with someone who I visited for three and a half years and maybe he brought it up once. The experience was much more about getting to know someone and building a relationship and learning the intricacies of human attachment and love than it was about dying.

DW:  What advice would you give to someone contemplating whether or not to become an end of life doula?

MA:  I think it’s an amazing experience and I believe it’s so important to be there for someone at the end of his or her life. It’s actually more of an honor. It felt like a privilege.

I would say that before you do it make sure you know why you are doing it. My mentor mentioned that some people come to the program in the hopes of redoing a death that they have regrets about. For example, if a person wasn’t capable of being there for a parent at the end, he or she may feel guilt and come to the program looking for a redemptive experience. My mentor said that if that’s what you’re looking for, you wouldn’t be happy with your experience. You have to come to terms with those issues in different ways. But if you want to learn and be generous and be challenged, I can’t think of a reason not to become an end of life doula. It’s been one of the most satisfying experiences in my life so far.

DW:  Are you going to continue doing end of life doula work?

MA:  I visited the same person for three and a half years. It was intense and awesome, but also really sad. I took a year off after his death, but now I’m back on the list to be assigned to someone new. Even when you’re not actively visiting someone, you are still very much part of the larger doula community. There are info sessions, monthly meetings and gatherings like picnics and an annual dinner to celebrate the lives of those we lost that year.

Mara Altman is the author of four bestselling Kindle Singles including “

Baby Steps

” and “

Bearded Lady

.” She has also written a book, “

Thanks For Coming

: A Young Woman’s Quest for an Orgasm,” which was published by HarperCollins and optioned as a comedy series by HBO. Twitter:

@maraaltman

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this interview and while you're here, please vote in my burial vs. cremation poll at the bottom of my front page.

Thanks!