Tuesday Movie: Never Let Me Go

As you know, on Tuesdays I recommend a movie that has death in it.  You may ask yourself, now why on earth would I want to subject myself to watching a movie that's going to make me sad?  In my humble opinion, I think it's good to practice those sad or scary feelings with the help of Hollywood.  Like I tell my son when he gets scared by something he sees in a film, I say it's just a movie. And it is.

This past week, I went to see The Amazing Spiderman with my husband and kids.  I was really looking forward to seeing it because I love Spiderman.  Out of all the superheroes, he is my all time favorite and I hate spiders, but I like his story.  He's an orphan, he feels guilt for the death of his uncle, he's a geeky outsider, he feels he doesn't deserve love, he's moral, he doesn't have lots of money and he wants to help people.  Plus, he looks pretty good in his costume.

So, I sat through the newest installment of a very familiar origin story. I laughed, I got a bit weepy when Uncle Ben died, and I thrilled at the special effects.  But, and there's always a but, I was SERIOUSLY bummed out when I left the theater.  My husband and kids loved this movie more than the other ones made less than ten years ago.  For some reason, I felt bad for Tobey Maguire who is now too old to play the superhero.  So, instead of feeling awesome, I felt like I was perpetuating ageism.  Like Tobey, I'm also getting old.  And call me crazy, but I guess it scares me a little bit that no one feels just a wee bit sad that he was replaced by Andrew Garfield.

Not that there's anything wrong with Mr. Garfield. I think he is a terrific actor.  He stars in today's movie of the week, Never Let Me Go which came out in 2010.  It's based on a novel by Kazuo Ishiguro.  And I'm not going to spoil it for you by revealing the plot, but I will say that it's science fiction.  I really enjoyed it.

So, have you seen the Amazing Spiderman yet?  What are your thoughts? On Friday after I'd written this post, I saw this article about a study on why people like tearjerkers.

Monday Mournings: The Death of a Grandmother

My name is Elizabeth Twist. I write dark speculative fiction, mostly fantasy and horror, with some science fiction for good measure. I'm forty-one, and I live in Hamilton, Ontario, a former industrial centre that's doing its best to find itself.

DW: Who was the person that died?
ET: My maternal grandmother.

DW: How old were you at the time?
ET: I had just turned thirty-two. The call came the day after my birthday.

DW: How old was your grandmother?
ET: Ninety-six.

DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?
ET: Her death was sudden, although my grandmother seems to have known it would happen. On August 26th, she had been moved from her home to a care facility. She told someone, "You know, I'm only going to be in here for a month." She was right.

DW: Did you and your grandmother talk about their death?
ET: We didn't talk explicitly about her death, although I realized later that she'd been trying to talk about it a great deal. In the three years prior to her death, she reported seeing my grandfather, who had already passed sixteen years prior. At first he would appear in a doorway and hold his hand up to her as if forbidding her to approach. Later, he spoke with her, although she was shy about telling anyone the content of those conversations.DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before your grandmother died?ET: In addition to my maternal grandfather, both of my paternal grandparents had passed. I also count the passing of the family dog as a significant death.

DW: Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away when you were grieving?
ET: My grandmother was the core of my extended family. Our gatherings happened at her house, and in many cases were celebrating her - Mother's Day and her birthday were a big deal, but we also got together at her place for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and other holidays. Her loss was devastating to everyone, and was especially hard on my mom, who had dedicated a lot of time and energy to making sure my grandmother was okay. I was more in a position of offering support than receiving it. I chose to keep my grief to myself for the most part.
DW: Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with this person?
ET: I wish I'd spent more time with her. I was in graduate school when she died, and it seemed like there was never enough time.
DW: Was she buried or cremated?ET: She was buried next to her husband.

DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share?
ET: Not to cast a shadow on what happened at the time at all - everyone was doing their best - but I think it's important, if you have to inform someone of the death of a significant person, to not leave that information in a voice mail message. Email would be even worse. I have never felt quite as lonely as I did when I had to listen to a recorded voice telling me that my grandmother had died. When you're getting that kind of news, you probably will want someone there with you, even if it's on the other end of a phone line. Those first few moments are the worst.
Each in their own way, my maternal grandparents both taught me that death is not the end. My grandfather visited me after he passed - my first paranormal experience. My grandmother, in her gentle insistence that he frequently returned to visit her in the time leading up to her death, strengthened my sense that those who leave their physical bodies are not gone. At the same time, when she died I really felt the vacuum she left behind. I won't call it faith, because it's not based in a religious tradition and it's experiential, so it's more like a knowing. My grandmother's death really brought into focus my sense that we come together with the families we have because those are the people we need to know in this lifetime, and there is nothing to fear in death, although it is a difficult transition for everyone involved.
DW: Were any songs played at the memorial that were important to your grandmother?
ET: I can't think of any, but Granny was a big soap opera follower. I remember watching this old opening to Days of Our Lives at her place. You could play that if you wanted to.

Writer Wednesday: David Dow

Last week, I had the pleasure of speaking with David Dow--writer, law professor, defender, spouse and father.  In other words, a well rounded individual.  We spoke about his work defending death row inmates, as well as his book Autobiography of an Execution that came out in 2010. We also talk about preparing for death. It's a really interesting interview if I say so myself.