S is for...

SAYING GOODBYE

I've only know three people who have died.  The first person was my grandmother.  When she went to the hospital with advanced leukemia, I wasn't allowed to go visit because of my age. I never got to say goodbye to her.  The other two were Khristian Oliver and Larry Matthew Puckett.  These two men both knew the exact date and approximate time of their deaths because they were executed by the state of Texas and the state of Mississippi. I met Khristian Oliver the day before the state of Texas executed him.  The next day, I went to tell him goodbye and I was at a loss for words.  I wrote an essay about him called Surrender, which was published in Ten Spurs, but you can read about my experience here on Smith Magazine's, The Moment.

With Matt Puckett, I had to say goodbye in a letter, which was rather difficult to compose.

I had a conversation via Twitter with a fellow A to Z challenge participant about social media and grieving.  I think we both agreed that it is useful when a public figure such as a musician dies so that their fans can share memories and console each other, but I can't help but think about sites such as Facebook when the loss is personal.  There's an interesting article from Time about grieving and Facebook.

And here's another interesting article about what happens when you die (simmer down now) on your social media accounts after you die.

What do you think about Facebook and grieving?  Do you think it's cool for someone to post "My mom just died" or "I have three months to live."  Should these things be kept off social media?  Tell me your thoughts...

And the winner is...

We are now taking a break from our regularly scheduled A to Z program to award the prize from yesterday's post.
So, I put everyone's name who commented on a tiny piece of paper.  If you follow me, you got an extra piece of paper.  Then I put them in a hat.  It's a Spiderman hat.  It's special.

Then my son mixed them up really well.

And then he pulled out a name...

And the winner is

Emily Moir

Thanks to everyone who commented and followed.  I think you're the bee's knees!

R is for...

RELIGION

Wait a second.  Don't run away.  Stay with me here. 

In my opinion, religion influences our views about death.  Our spiritual preferences influence if we're buried, embalmed or cremated. In hospice, there's always a spiritual component. On a personal level, the two men I knew on death row were sustained by their faith in God as they faced death. Faith feels somewhat foreign to me as I was not raised with religion.  Yes, on occasion my mom and I went to church on Easter or Christmas, but it wasn't something that was explained to me or that I'd studied.

So this got me thinking about the fear of death. Is this fear based around the the question of what happens after we die? (I have my own reasons for fearing death, but I want to hear yours.) Do we go to Heaven?  Or do we go to Wal Mart for all eternity? (Which is my own personal version of Hell.)  Or is it just the end? Lights out.

I have no answers for you about what happens when we die.  I do know one thing.  We typically fear what we don't know.  And since no one wants to cuddle up with the idea of death, we tend to fear it.  We'll think about it later.  Oh, hey look!  American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Mob Wives, Toddlers and Tiara's is on.  Much better.  I'll think about death tomorrow.

I'm done with my death book and now I'm looking towards my next project, which organically came about in my exploration of death.  It's called Finding my Religion, not to be confused with...

As a former bartender, there were two things I never discussed at the bar--politics and religion. I've kept up with this practice throughout my life.  Why?  Well, for one, I don't like confrontations and those two topics tend to bring out, dare I say it, religious fervor in people.  But, I'm going to go forth and explore religion and write about my experience.  Here's the dealio.  I'm going to explore one religion a month.  And I'm not just sticking with Christianity.  I want a global perspective.  This will not be a covert operation, nor will it be a journalistic expose.  I will be upfront and honest with everyone.  I am on a quest to fulfill the one piece of my life that is missing; spirituality. I hope to be pitched, convinced and sold on a "brand."  At the end of the year, like the bachelorette on that show I've never seen, I will choose.  

Yeah, it's kind of Schtick-lit, but I imagine I'm going to learn a lot and maybe make some new friends.  And that's cool.

Thanks for popping in.  Tell me about yourself.  Kinda like this..."Hi! My name is ______ and I'm an Episcopalian from Eureka Springs.  I'd like to be cremated and made into a necklace."  Or whatever.  I don't bite.