Funeral Plans

If you were to die tomorrow, would your family know what to do?  Have you made a plan for your final exit?  Do you want to be buried?  Cremated?  How about donating your body to science? Do you want to have a memorial service?  And if so, do you want an open casket?  Or do you want to keep it closed with a terrific picture of you?  Do you want music?  Do you want someone to read a favorite poem?  Do you want people to mourn or celebrate your passing?  It's a lot to think about.  Here's a place you can plan your funeral, because as they say on their website, "You only get one chance to make a last impression."

There's a book coming out this month called "Making an Exit" by Sarah Murray, a journalist and writer, who investigated different cultures and the ways in which they dignify their dead.  I haven't read it yet, but I plan on doing so.  I've always been interested in the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico.  Maybe one day I'll get to see one.

I recently spoke with my dad about his wishes.  He said he wanted to be cremated with a headstone at Arlington National Cemetery.  He's a Korean War veteran.  I did a little research for him and I think he may change his mind.  Ever the penny pincher, he was under the impression that he wouldn't have to foot the bill for anything, but he was wrong.  The family still has to pay for the body to be cremated or prepared for burial and then there's the shipping to Arlington.  He may decide to stay close to home.

My mom and her husband have the same plans.  Apparently, my mom's sister and her husband are buried at Arlington and even in death, I think she wants to be "close" to her family.

As for myself, I want to be cremated and scattered someplace I like.  Maybe the Rocky Mountains, the Marin headlands, or possibly an outdoor ashtray at the Ritz Carlton, if they still exist.  Now that would be classy!  I don't want anyone holding onto them and placing them on their mantle.  The thought of myself looking like cat litter and stuck inside a little urn being moved around from place to place throughout the years seems utterly ridiculous.  I want people to remember me in their minds. 

What about you?  You don't have to answer here, but I encourage you to talk about it with the people you love.  Their answers may surprise you.  And best of all, it's one less thing you have to worry about.

Be the Change

Lately I’ve been talking to my daughter about bullying and what behaviors constitute being a bully.  I’ve told her repeatedly that if she witnesses bullying in her school and does nothing about it, she is basically being a bully herself.  In other words, remaining silent is just as bad as calling someone a name or excluding them.  It’s tough being a preteen when everyone around you is aligning themselves with cliques and trying to be in the “in” crowd.  One day your friend decides that she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore and you don’t know why.  I remember those days and it just adds to the horror of middle school and raging hormones and acne dotted skin.  I was called frizz head, had gum thrown in my hair, and was taunted by kids for my weird clothes.  True, it gave me character, but at the time, I didn’t particularly like it.

The other day, someone I was acquaintance “friends” with on facebook posted a picture she’d taken with her phone on her homepage. The picture was of a slightly heavy woman seated in a chair.  Since the woman was leaning forward, the top of her thong was exposed.  My “friend” commented that some people need mirrors or something to that effect.  I have been deleted as her friend, so I can’t copy it verbatim.  Someone chimed in that that look was trashy.  I looked at the picture for a moment.  My first thought was just to ignore it and move on.  But my thoughts kept returning to “What if that picture was of my daughter, my mom, my friend, or me?” I didn’t know the woman in the photo, but I felt like standing up for her. Somebody had to.  And I did.  And it was uncomfortable and it will be awkward the next time I see the acquaintance, if I ever do, but I refuse to remain silent, especially if I want my daughter to respect me.

I don’t know what happened after I posted my comment on the thread because I was writing and frankly I didn’t care to get caught up in the dramatic aftermath.  But today I noticed that I have one less facebook friend.  And you know what? 

I'm perfectly okay with that.

Book Soundtrack

I've always included music in my writing.  For one, if a song is playing at a fairly signifcant moment, I wll forever associate that song with the event.  I did not choose these songs based on lyrics, but the significance they held to an event or to a person.  Since the book is about death, you'd think I chose "Don't Fear the Reaper" because of the obvious connection to death, but you'd be wrong.  Here's an article about a company doing soundtracks for books.  Hmmmm.
Books with Soundtracks: The Future of Reading?  The Atlantic

Here's my Official Soundtrack to "When November Ends"



"Sweet Baby James" by James Taylor  This song was playing the moment I realized I was going to die.  I was 30 years old and holding my four-day-old child.  I was scared shitless, despite the soothing sounds coming from Taylor's mouth.

"Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult  The minute I got in my rental car in Austin on my way to Huntsville, this song came on the radio.  It was really dark and I couldn't read my map and well, I was totally freaked out.  It was followed by "1999" by Prince, but it didn't have quite the same impact.

"Orinoco Flow" by Enya  Khristian Oliver's favorite song.  When he told me this, I thought it was kind of a weird choice, but what do I know? I've listened to it many times and it really is beautiful.

"Walk On" by U2  Another favorite of Khristian Oliver's.  His penpal and friend Amber told me that this one was one of his favorites as we stood outside the Walls Unit.

"American Eulogy" by Green Day  I always think of Khristian when I hear this song.  Don't know why.  Maybe because it's about a guy name Christian.

"Hey Soul Sister" by Train  When I attended the birth of Marion, this song was part of a playlist that her Dad and Mom made for her.  Whenever I hear this song, I think of that day.