Have a Heart

My brother-in-law needs a new heart.  He is 51 years old and was recently placed on the transplant list.  In addition to going about his day to day life, he is anxiously waiting for a phone call to alert him that a donor heart is available.  I don't think I need to spell it out, but I will.  It means that someone has died.  This someone, by being an organ donor, is a very generous person.  This gift of a heart will prolong my brother-in-law's life.  It's an odd situation to be in and I can't imagine the stress that he and his immediate family are under right now as they wait.

His wife is planning a silent auction and fundraising dinner for July 22.  I've contacted some businesses in the area and posted on Facebook to people I know for donations.  We're looking for auction items.  Think gift cards, baskets, art, crafts, tickets to events, etc.  If you want to send something, please send me an email and we'll talk. We're getting some good stuff so far and if you're a heavy metal fan, you just might want to attend the auction.

His oldest daughter recently turned 15.  At her request and as a surprise to her dad, she asked that her friends make a donation to her dad's transplant fund instead of giving her a birthday gift. She raised over $300.  She's a sweet kid.

If you'd like to Donate click on that link.
Also, if you haven't already done so, think about organ donation.  You can sign up here.

Dr. Death Has Left the Building

Dr. Jack Kevorkian is dead.  I was hoping to get an interview with him, but I guess I was a day late and a dollar short.  I contacted his lawyer a couple of months ago and never received a response.  But, this silence is fairly typical when trying to interview people about death.  So, this confirms to me that I'm not going to go the "big name" route with my book.  It's simply going to be a memoir about my experience and the people I met along the way.  I may even self publish.  Oh, the horror! 

I don't really have any feelings about Kevorkian's death.  I didn't know him.  All I know is that he was passionate about end of life issues and people either loved or hated him.  I think he was an important figure of our times and I would put money on it that more states are going to legalize death with dignity acts like they have in Washington and Oregon.

Rest in peace Dr. Death.
 

How to Die in Oregon

As some of you may know, I'm writing a book about people who work with death in their professions.  While doing my research, I thought it would be interesting to meet someone who knew the day they were going to die.  There are only two people who know this date--people who choose to end their life and a person with an execution date on death row.  I chose to speak with someone on death row, as I felt it would be easier when their death might be "justified." Well, if you've read my blog or know me, that didn't exactly turn out as planned.  I was totally affected by this experience and am now totally against the death penalty.

Anyway, so last night I had the pleasure of watching a movie about terminally ill people in Oregon who choose to end their lives.  And yes, I said pleasure.  This is an important film, and although it was difficult to watch, I'm so glad I did.  Why?  Because anyone who watches this film will have a conversation about death and THIS IS AN IMPORTANT conversation to have.

The film, How to Die in Oregon opens with a home video of a terminally ill older man choosing to hasten his death by gulping down a lethal dose of Seconal mixed with warm water.  His family and a caseworker with Compassion and Choices are all present for his final exit.  It was quite an intro and I was startled to say the least.  It was kind of like that feeling when Drew Barrymore's character is killed in the first Scream.  If the director is going to kill off the biggest name actress in the first fifteen minutes of the film, nobody is safe. So if HTDIO starts right off with a death, I knew that I would inevitably be more emotionally invested in the characters as the film progressed. 
And I was.  There is a fairly large cast of characters and each person is struggling with end of life choices.  Something we all will do one day.

I don't want to give away the film, but the most difficult story line was that of Cody Curtis, a vibrant 54 year-old wife and mother of two who was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer.  She is the "star" of this documentary.  We meet her family, her friends, and her doctor.  We get to witness her hopes and fears as her health declines.  The scene that really got me takes place in a beauty salon where Cody goes in for a final trim.  It was so hard to watch.  The film ends with the camera fixed on a window outside of Cody's house on the night she chooses to die.  We can hear what's going on inside the house.  The family sings, the drink is mixed and Cody comments about how "easy" it was. Fade to black.

I know I'm probably not going to get a ton of commentary on this topic, but I'd like for you to consider some of the thoughts that came into my mind as I watched this film.

Why should people have to suffer if they don't want to?  Heck, when we euthanize an animal, it's usually to end their suffering. 
Why does anyone have to "battle" a disease? Shouldn't they get to pick and choose their battles and surrender when they want to?

Dying is not a failure, it's an inevitability.  I talked to my 78 year-old Dad yesterday and we talked about his sister who died recently.  I asked him if he had any end of life wishes.  He said that when his life stopped being "fun" he'd drink a bottle of bourbon and go into his garage and start his car's engine.  Knowing my dad, he's not just being dramatic.  How sad is that that he wouldn't be able to exit his life in a more dignified manner?  A neighbor will inevitably discover him.  They will be traumatized.  His family will be traumatized.  So, how did I respond?  I said, "Dad, could you at least let me know if and when you plan on doing that so I can at least say goodbye and make sure you get cremated?"  He said he would.  Hey, I know it sounds weird, but at least it's a start.

I sincerely hope that everyone checks out this wonderful film.  It is currently playing on HBO till mid June.